I sit here…and I look at pictures of us, of you, your son, of ones you just posted on Friday…and I can’t believe it.
This isn’t real..it can’t be, It feels like a nightmare that I’m just waiting to wake up from.
Hearing those words on the phone was too unreal. I just went numb then completely lost it; fell to the ground unable to breathe or comprehend anything going on around me.
How are you gone? How…you can’t be…no…it isn’t possible..you were only 23
You were the one I grew up with…I basically lived with you…all our week long sleep overs playing need for speed, teaching me how to shoot basketballs and how to skateboard, our walks from your house to Chevron where we’d get cherry icees and the big bags of hot cheetos then go walk around your cul-de-sac seeing who could go the longest eating the cheetos without drinking any of our icees….or even our stupid competitions of downing icees to see who gets brain freeze first…and it was always you…silly boy..
I remember the year we made your porch into a haunted house.. we spent all day stapling up tarps and spray painting them and then setting up the fog machine and setting up how we would scare people.
Or the day we begged your mom to let us go swimming all day. We even ate sitting over the edge of the pool because we didn’t want to get out…then that night we both had the worst sunburns of our lives and could barely sleep that night as your mom slathered our backs with Aloe Vera. Yet we wanted to do it all over again the next day.
These aren’t even close to all of the memories we have…I can’t help but smile as I look back on all of them. You were my cousin…you were like a brother to me and it’s been super hard these last years as you struggled figuring your life out. All of our family was trying to help but you got a little lost but had come back. I thought everything was okay again and then I get this news.
I love you so much…I still can’t believe this…I still feel like it was all a dream..I hope you Rest in Peace Devin…you were a great cousin, son, uncle, grandson, and dad, You son loves you to no end and it kills me that he is only 2 and will not get to grow up knowing how fun and amazing his father was. But now you are pain free and free of all the struggles and hardships you were facing.
I feel numb today. In denial…not sure how to feel.
This is when it sucks living away for college because I’m 5 hours away from everyone right now and it’s horrible not being able to be there with them as they all come together today.
I just hope I can make it home for his memorial.
RIP Devin…you’re with God now up there with Grandpa watching over us all. We love you so much…always.
"Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in Him.”
1 Thessalonians 4:13-14